What Cougars REALLY Want

Why I Don't Write Eroticism AKA: What Cougars Really Want

While trying to get some of my notes published as excerpts or short stories in humor I was approached by a publisher who asked me to try my hand at erotic stories. I labored over a short story for two days. It was painful. I submitted it and it was rejected... I wonder why?My story started out with Blake and Edna who had known each other for the appropriate length of time (10 minutes) that it takes to get a hott story going. Obviously he was the pizza delivery man. (You know, something fresh and new). Edna answers the door in sweats. Blake is standing there with his hot box of yummy when Edna bitches at him to come in already because he's letting all the a/c out! Blake puts the pie down and asks if she'd like a hot bread stick to go with the order and she snipes back at him to lay off the hints about her weight and how cruel he is to introduce MORE carbs to the situation!Blake tries to clear a space on the large coffeetable suitable for lovemaking but can't get past the stacks of scrapbooking piles and home and garden magazines to clear a spot. Edna catches Blake trying to clear a spot and yells, "Goddammit...it took me all night after Grey's Anatomy to get that organized!"Redirecting his desire to Edna, Blake touches her gently on the shoulder and begins to lean in when a vibration is felt between the two. Edna whips her phone out of her pocket and checks her facebook updates. Edna breaks her gaze from the screen and suddenly remembers why Blake was there and clicks her tongue with an exacerbation for him to leave. Edna gave Blake a piercing glare and asked him where the free chocolate lava cake was and paid him. Edna has finished with Blake.