Damned Geese

These are true stories people! I had been saving old bread and crackers for the ducks at Lake Hollingsworth. I have forgotten the goods everytime I have ben lately so I gathered it all up before work today and decided to make it my first stop (so the heat and humidity wouldn't make my car smell). 8 a.m. and I am down atthe lake with full on makeup, work clothes (dressy) and my loot. I get out of the car and the entire heard starts coming my way like there's a sale on butts at Asses-R-Us! Here I am, tossing popcorn, crackers and tidbits out as fast as I can and the crowd gets BIGGER. Now there's noise and these bitches are getting too close! They surround me: Geese, ducks, water chickens, egrets, mocking birds and a few seagulls. The geese have now circled me and trapped me between two cars and my own carkeys are on my hood- and I can't get to them.I feel a burning on my ass and thigh and immediately think that I have been shot! I swish around and the geese are biting me! I panic and am sweating like a meth addict, hair all a mess. Frantically, I have kicked off my heels and am trying to hoist my ass to the roof of the car but I am wearing satin and slide off exposing myself from the waist down. In addition to the attack birds there is also a growing "people" crowd (must have been all my screaming that drew them in).Finally a lady with two fat boxers comes up and says, "My dogs will scare them off!" They did and I was so grateful! I left my empty bread bags right in the grass , pulled my clothes back on and jumped in my car like Bo and Luke Duke and went to work.From now on those bitches can starve!